A Gift from My Mom

On this Mother's Day I find myself thinking about what my mother did for me. As you might suspect, she fed me, bathed, me comforted me, and all that. Further, she kept me alive through infantile pnemonia followed by asthma, the first seeing me in oxygen tents and the second making for midnight runs to the ER some forty minutes from home. All that aside, she taught me some valuable lessons. I think the most valuable meant to make me a good citizen with fulfilling relationships: you are not the center of the universe. 

My mother often pushed back against becoming a martyr to her children. There were nights she slept on my bedroom floor monitoring my breathing (asthma, see above) and plenty of times she went the extra mile to make a day special. Even still, she often refused to suffer in silence for our own stupidity or selfishishness, though she did often suffer or endure unnecessary burdens of her children, like last minute notices of needed school supplies. 

"I'm not your maid," seemed her favorite refrain. My mother cleaned with an uncommon fervor, but she didn't care for our laziness increasing the job. She chose to clean the refrigerator weekly and kitchen cabinet shelves at least once a month, but she balked at us making for more work by being too careless to put dirty dishes in the dishwasher. 

The exchange that sticks out in my mind comes from my first day of work. I came home from the farm tired and a little dusty. As I sat down on the step of our sunken living room she asked me to get up, shower, and put clean clothes on. I had no mud or oil on me and had been working since 7 AM that morning, so I wanted to rest: "I'm tired from work; just let me sit for a minute." Rather than a marytyr's sigh or infantilizing acquiescence she retorted, "And I've been working all day cleaning house, so go shower and change your cloths."

That moment captured my mother's philosophy for her children to learn: yes, you're tired (hurting, scared, or whatever) but so is everyone else; it's not an excuse. Further, from my mom we learned that we give for those we love, but we also have the right and duty to stick up for our limits. She taught us it's ok, even necessary, to tell people how you feel and what you need for your sake and the future of the relationship. Looking back that was a brave lesson but a good one.